Satirical Holiday Humor Fan Gifts

"Give the little bastards what they want!"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Elfie Stick

"Little help?"

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I could get used to working remotely."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'More government surveillance!'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'He's got your nose.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'