Satirical Holiday Humor Fan Pillows

"Give the little bastards what they want!"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"Little help?"

Elfie Stick

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I could get used to working remotely."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'He's got your nose.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'