Holiday Humor Fanatic Pillows

'Sorry, Rudolph, we can't let you join in any reindeer games... You've tested positive for steroids.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Piranhaclaus

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Elfie Stick

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'He's got your nose.'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"I noticed a few browns."

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Santa's Helpers