Holiday Satire Fan Pillows

"I should have known when they started letting kids at the mall sit in the lap of someone dressed up as Jeff Bezos."

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'He's got your nose.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"I noticed a few browns."

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

With all of the drone traffic, Santa had to replace Rudolph with Randolph the radar-nosed reindeer!

Full Serve/Elf Serve

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

For Crying Out Loud I Am Not Rudolph

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

Santa Claus uses drones to deliver presents on Christmas.