Festive Satire Fan Pillows

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"You know, there are other emojis."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

'I believe in the free enterprise system. I haven't paid for anything in the past 27 years...'

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

Vaccine Reindeer

"Worm puree? No, it seems the old lady was sh*tfaced again last night!"

'I miss the evildoers.'

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

Basic Theology

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."

A monk finds a little demon in the spine of his holy bible.

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."