Festive Satire Fan Gifts

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"You know, there are other emojis."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

'I believe in the free enterprise system. I haven't paid for anything in the past 27 years...'

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

"Worm puree? No, it seems the old lady was sh*tfaced again last night!"

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

Vaccine Reindeer

A monk finds a little demon in the spine of his holy bible.

'I miss the evildoers.'

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."

Basic Theology