Holiday Satire Fan Gifts

"I should have known when they started letting kids at the mall sit in the lap of someone dressed up as Jeff Bezos."

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'He's got your nose.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"I noticed a few browns."

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

Full Serve/Elf Serve

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

For Crying Out Loud I Am Not Rudolph

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through duct work.

"Not a good sign. It's a box of pop-up thermometers."

Santa Claus uses drones to deliver presents on Christmas.