Holiday Satire Lover Gifts

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Santa's Helpers

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"I noticed a few browns."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

"I've made a terrible mistake."

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Reindeer Strike

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"