Festive Satire Lover Gifts

Santa narrowly avoids discrimination suit

"I'm away one night and you're shaking up with teh foreman packer!"

Elves Don't Need a Union

"Consumer Protection Agency. Have the recipients agreed in writing to receive gifts from you, sir?"

Christmas 2020

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

The Frankenstein snowman.

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

Night of the Living Reindeer

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

The Three Wise Women

Vaccine Reindeer

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."

Rudolph Red Light District

Christmas 2020

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

"You think your job is hard? I have to remember which date Easter falls on each year."

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

"For dessert I'll have milk and cookies."

"It doesn't feel like Christmas. So, I'm drinking until it does."

Bad King Wenceslas

'I see management bonuses remain unaffected again this year.'

"No man should have to work on Christmas every year!"

'Happy Xmas!'