Festive Satire Seeker Gifts

"I've been as good as I can in a zombie apocalypse."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

The Frankenstein snowman.

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Night of the Living Reindeer

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

The Three Wise Women

Christmas 2020

Santa narrowly avoids discrimination suit

'Santa's blotto.'

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

Woodpecker sitting on snowmans nose

Santa's family holding firearms

Secular Holy Days

Snowman: 'Maybe we should put down a towel first..?'

Bad King Wenceslas

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

"You will kindly address any 'naughty or nice' questions to my attorney."

"This doesn't feel right..."

"You're not distancing."

Gardening Terminology: Freezia

"Staff, we're having a Cinco de Mayo sale this year!"

"I wanted to keep my summer look, so I got it colored."