Festive Irony Lover Gifts

Man Begging with Wreath Around Neck.

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'I hate all holidays!'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen