Holiday Irony Lover Gifts

We Are Choosing to Make Hundreds of Thousands of Americans Live Outside All Winter

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Elfie Stick

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"I noticed a few browns."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

Santa's Helpers

Christmas on Other Planets.

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

A few post-Christmas options for Santa.

"I've made a terrible mistake."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Reindeer Strike