Holiday Irony Fan Gifts

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

'He's got your nose.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

With all of the drone traffic, Santa had to replace Rudolph with Randolph the radar-nosed reindeer!

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

Full Serve/Elf Serve

Turkey going away for Christmas.

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'You better watch out, you better not cry, we're here to abduct some earthlings that's why, aliens are coming to town.'

Santa Claus uses drones to deliver presents on Christmas.

'Dang it, Dasher, I told you to go before we left to North Pole!'

"Nice tree! Did you chew that one down yourself?"

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

'Sorry, Rudolph, we can't let you join in any reindeer games... You've tested positive for steroids.'

'Your resume is quite impressive, but we're looking for self-starters.'

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

Well, you did put it on your Christmas list!

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

"Okay, hold really still..."

"I honestly don't know why you didn't make Santa's sleigh team."

"Happy Ea-sss-ter."

'Oh, good - you brought The Broom of Honesty, Dignity and Self Respect.'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

Turkey aimed at down a gun barrel.