Ironic Christmas Fan Gifts

'Am I next?'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

Santa's wash day.

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'Another artisanal B&B.'

'No wonder you're more tanned than I am - you are nearer the sun!'

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

"I love Boxing Day"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

Rudolph's after-Christmas job

'I'm not allowed in the water until I can swim.'

"Our lawyers are adept at spotting dodgy clauses.."

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'Santa's blotto.'

It's a girl!

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

"Okay, hold really still..."

'I'm glad that's over! After the last six weeks in the store, I'm never gonna have any kids!'

'Oh, good - you brought The Broom of Honesty, Dignity and Self Respect.'

'Hear you're big in logistics.'

Santa gets a ticket