Comedic Christmas Fan Gifts

Santa crawling out of log burning stove.

"I thought you only came once a year."

Elf Help

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

Santa's wash day.

'What makes you think no-one understands you?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

'That was nice of them to order us a new scratching post!'

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

'No wonder you're more tanned than I am - you are nearer the sun!'

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"I love Boxing Day"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

About Santa 2017.

Sleeping in skis.

Rudolph's after-Christmas job

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

Last week, stingy caf

"Our lawyers are adept at spotting dodgy clauses.."

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'I'm not allowed in the water until I can swim.'

'Santa's blotto.'

"I would like organic milk!"

'I'll bet my Dad's pants are bigger than yours.'

"No, that's not mine. Do you have one with a big red nose?"

"This is not what I meant when I said you should try to live in the present."