Festive Comedy Fan Gifts

'Speeding? Of course I was speeding! I have to make over a billion deliveries in one night!'

'I'm afraid Mrs. Claus got the last ho-ho-ho!'

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

"If you start singing "Santa Baby" I will sleep in the guest room!"

Try me/try me/try me...

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'He's got your nose.'

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'Oh, Christ.'

'I get that reaction a lot.'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'This way! We will grant you sanctuary!'

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'

'Didn't I warn you not to have the vindaloo?'

Full Serve/Elf Serve

An Amazon drone crashes into Santa's sleigh

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.