Festive Comedy Gifts

"Do you hear what I hear?" "Fweeet!"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Christmas Presents.

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

'Oh, Christ.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

C.P.A.

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!