Christmas Comedy Aficionados Gifts

"Technically, I'm a buck...but I identify as a doe."

Piranhaclaus

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

"Maybe this year..."

Hip hop Santa.

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

"The Three Wise Men followed a star...wasn't their GPS working?"

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

About Santa 2017.

"Your behavior was kind of shady so don't be surprised if you only receive clothes for Christmas."

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

'Dang it, Dasher, I told you to go before we left to North Pole!'

Santa emergency stop.

Don't fly and text.

Hand emerges from King Arthur's xmas pudding with a coin.

Men/Women/Santa.

"Just relax, take a deep breath and tell Mommy and Daddy which plate of brownies you left out."

"Have you been a good dog or a bad dog?"

'It's a girl!'

'I think you should know I'm listening to offers from other Santas.'

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

"No, that's not mine. Do you have one with a big red nose?"

"Oh, yes, I've been good...relatively speaking!"