Christmas Season Satirist Gifts

'Santa is real, but I can't decide if he is the New Black or 50 Shades of Grey!'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

The other days of the year...

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

It must be December again -- I just had a vision of sugarplums.

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"Did you get some work done?"

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

'Big Issue!'

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

Rudolph Red Light District

Santa's Nightmares

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

Snowman arriving home to his Refrigerator Home

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

'Santa's blotto.'