Christmas Satirist Gifts

'The big guy doesn't need us anymore. He's giving everyone gift cards this year.'

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Claus 2.0

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

High security Santa's grotto

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Night of the Latkes

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

That one has all the batteries!

Hiding the electronics.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Ninja bread men"

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Non-Denominational Carols

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Fish snorkling above water.

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Workaholic's Hoilday Appartment

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

King Kongs first christmas

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."