Yuletide Satirist Gifts

"Wouldn't a 'No Carol Singers' sign be easier?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

The other days of the year...

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

'I think its being tapped.'

Santa Elevator

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'That's about as Christmasy as we can get it.'

"Did you get some work done?"

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'Santa's blotto.'

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

Secular Holy Days

Santa's family holding firearms

"You will kindly address any 'naughty or nice' questions to my attorney."

Bad King Wenceslas

"Apparently our hotel is just a stone's throw from the beach..!"

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'