Yuletide Satirist Gifts

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

The other days of the year...

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

Santa Elevator

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

'I think its being tapped.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'That's about as Christmasy as we can get it.'

"Did you get some work done?"

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

'...Then we thought, stuff Christmas, the world is full of naughty brats anyway.'

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

'Santa's blotto.'

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

"You will kindly address any 'naughty or nice' questions to my attorney."

Bad King Wenceslas

"Apparently our hotel is just a stone's throw from the beach..!"

Santa's family holding firearms

Secular Holy Days

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

"Save my spot?"