Yuletide Jokester Gifts

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Bug hanging up stockings

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Men dancing

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

Blitzen isn't feeling well, so Mary Poppins agreed to fill in for him.

Santa Elevator

"Maybe this year..."

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Elf of the Month

"Turns out it was all water weight."

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

C is for Cracker

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Throwing snowballs: Ow! That one had a potato inside!