Yuletide Jokester Gifts

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Merry Christmas"

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Bug hanging up stockings

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Men dancing

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Santa Elevator

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

Throwing snowballs: Ow! That one had a potato inside!

C is for Cracker

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'