Yuletide Jokesters Gifts

Santa Elevator

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Bug hanging up stockings

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Blitzen isn't feeling well, so Mary Poppins agreed to fill in for him.

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"