Yule Jokester Gifts

Santa's list has columns for Nice, Naughty and Misunderstood.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

Bug hanging up stockings

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Santa Elevator

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

Blitzen isn't feeling well, so Mary Poppins agreed to fill in for him.

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

"Turns out it was all water weight."

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Throwing snowballs: Ow! That one had a potato inside!

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

'Oh, you nut! I thought we agreed we weren't going to make a big fuss over birthdays anymore.'

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

"Mom! Is Santa's Naughty or Nice list in effect over summer vacation?"

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"If my husband starts nibbling your ear, you have my permission to confiscate his teeth."

"Why are we following traffic lights? Rudolph got the corona Virus."

Deck the halls with boughs of challah...

'Just what I wanted. Not!'

Two Weeks to Turkey Day. Now, Ernie, you know "Turkey Day" refers to Thanksgiving and not election day.

"I'm afraid this year due to the threat of terrorist attacks...customs controls...parking restrictions...I have decided to outsource the Christmas operation to Ebay and Amazon."

Father Christmas's Alternative Sleigh.