Festive Jokesters Gifts

Xmas comet

"This is my distant relative, Joe. He's a raindeer."

"Oh yeah, have a Merry Christmas, Santa."

Visit Santa

"Take it easy on the spray lube. It's pretty slick stuff!"

"Oi, fatty! Move it on a bit!"

Santa Bad Bad Kid

"Mom! Is Santa's Naughty or Nice list in effect over summer vacation?"

Santa Riding Christmas Turkeys

'Why don't we make it simple this year, and you just extend me a line of credit?'

'What else could I have done? My red nose is not that bright anymore.'

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'I think the eight reindeer just look tiny by COMPARISON.'

'Santa Claus again for you.'

'Okay. You put coal in my stocking so I spit in the milk I set out for you. Let's call a truce.'

'While you're makin' a list and checkin' it twice, how about checkin' ID? Some of these ‘kids' are, like, in their 30s.'

'I'll be spending Christmas in front of my artificial tree, by my artificial fireplace, with my artificial wife.'

'Have you been a good boy?'

Melted Snowmen for Sale.

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Christmas Presents.

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Bug hanging up stockings

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."