Yuletide Jokesters Pillows

Santa Elevator

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Bug hanging up stockings

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'