Christmas Jokester Pillows

'Boy, you really are stuck! What do you do when this happens in a chimney?'

'Lotta bad kids this year, huh?'

'Wow! Is it Christmas already?'

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

Little helpers wanted

Shortly thereafter, Santa switched back to reindeer.

Santa Claus urinates on Christmas tree like a dog.

'So that's how you keep your nose red!'

"This is where we process returns."

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

Some card-game puns

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"I've got writer's block."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'