Christmas Jokester Pillows

'Boy, you really are stuck! What do you do when this happens in a chimney?'

'Lotta bad kids this year, huh?'

'Wow! Is it Christmas already?'

'Wise up. We're not getting all this stuff because we were good this year - they're bribes for us to be good next year.'

Little helpers wanted

Shortly thereafter, Santa switched back to reindeer.

Santa Claus urinates on Christmas tree like a dog.

'So that's how you keep your nose red!'

"This is where we process returns."

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"I've got writer's block."

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'