Holiday Jokester Pillows

Thanksgiving.

"Relax. I'm here for the Christmas tree."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"I'm just sayin', Boss, maybe you should lay off the cookies and milk for a while!"

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Rudolf's feeling sick.'

Santa and Doctor - "Open wide and say ho ho ho."

'No dear, I don't think you can be 'first footer'. I don't think you can even find your feet.'

'Instead of wasting time watching TV why don't you put up some Christmas decorations?'

'I wish you'd stop calling it Santa's little helper'

Jingle Bell Rock // Silent Night

"It won't be much of a holiday for me, did you forget I'm a stripper?"

Modern Day Christmas Carolers

The local flesh-spots

"I'd like to welcome you all to today's Easter service!"

Blank Christmas Card

Cat Advent Calendar: "Every day until Christmas you break a new ornament."

"I did warn you about the heat in Spain, Mrs. Thompson, a sunburnt tongue is no laughing matter."

"Oh. You got me an ACTUAL bauble."

Deck the halls with boughs of challah...

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

'Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!'

M is for Mistletoe

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Bug hanging up stockings

'I'm not serving you again in that state, Rudolph.'

'Just what I wanted. Not!'

'You've reached the Claus residence. I'm not in right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, I'll get back to you in December.'

'Don't worry, because of global warming you can ditch that red suit soon.'

Santa Claus Delivery.

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

A Redneck Christmas