Holiday Jokesters Pillows

"No letters to Santa this year. Just tell the tree what you want."

Reindeer looking on with fear as Santa counts down and elf if about to launch sleigh with a giant slingshot.

Holiday: Been there done it!

"Well, of course my DNA was found at the scene, it's Christmas Eve!"

Two Weeks to Turkey Day. Now, Ernie, you know "Turkey Day" refers to Thanksgiving and not election day.

'What I want for Christmas is a bigger carrot'

'So, if you're Santa Claus, then where are all the reindeer?'

'Yes, dear. Cell phones and credit cards can work wonders. If you can make a shrinking-machine, a gas oven that works under water, and an apple pie like my mother used to bake, I'll be very impressed.'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"... And merry Christmas to you too Santa!"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Claus 2.0

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Night of the Latkes

High security Santa's grotto

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Hiding the electronics.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

That one has all the batteries!

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Ninja bread men"

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Non-Denominational Carols

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.