Yuletide Humorist Pillows

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

"He's very busy. One 'Good King Wenceslas', and then about you go."

On the twelth day of Christmas...

Santa Claus huddles round a fire made from reindeer antlers

"He's hoping his nose can be used in a cake!"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Claus 2.0

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

High security Santa's grotto

Night of the Latkes

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"Ninja bread men"

That one has all the batteries!

Hiding the electronics.

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

Non-Denominational Carols

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

Fish snorkling above water.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."