Christmas Humorist Gifts

"Every kid must sign the waiver. It's not about naughty or nice, it's about liability."

Santapede

'Cutting fourth-quarter operating costs by eating venison was brilliant. Of course, now we've got a bigger problem.'

Have you been naughty or nice?

'I've been good. Let's just leave it at that. My lawyer has advised me not to answer any more questions.'

Virgin Mary reads card: 'SORRY! The Angel Gabriel called to bring you glad tidings of great joy, but you were out.'

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

'I'm sorry, Rudolph, you reindeers are too expensive. This year, I'll work with subcontractors.'

'So you admit you excluded my client from Reindeer games.'

'Seriously?!! Three old guys, a sheep and a donkey?!! Worst. Birthday party. EVER!!!!'

'What?'

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

'He calls it the incentive plan.' (Santa with gun)

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

'Santa, is my buddy in there?'

At the Xmas transvestite Nativity fancy dress Bob decided to eat, drink and be Mary!

Santa in Lineup.

Santa falls on hard times: 'Numbskulls! I said use lady's stockings!'

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

'Could you get off now and give one of the kids a chance?'

Scrooge's last christmas - 'A goose boy. I want a nice big goose!'

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

"And where have you been all night?"

"Life was a LOT easier before AI and the 'Internet of things'!"

"I believe you're Santa, but Spike isn't so easily convinced."

Santa: 'Will Work for Milk and Cookies.'

'Big Issue!'

"If you can't bring me cash, bring me stuff I'll be able to sell on eBay.!

'I'll be down in a mo. I'm filling in for the partridge who is on a toilet break.'

'Oi! Are you looking at my four calling birds?'

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"I think the tags got switched on our presents."

'It was driven only once a year by a jolly ol' elf!'