Feline Comedian Gifts

"Like heck I'm doing downward dog."

"So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds."

Great mouser!

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Cat Reunion

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Obedience School Graduation

His Master's Thesis.

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

"I finally caught you... now what?"

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Dogs life

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

Diving Cat.

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"Wow, what a DILF."