Feline Comedy Lover Gifts

"If you fits, you sits!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"She's all over YouTube."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"Projectile hairballing."

Hell No Kitty

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

'You know, if you cleaned the litter box more often, you wouldn't have to wear the hazmat suit.'

Great mouser!

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'Never underestimate my ability to slink'

"The love is unconditional after you agree to the terms and conditions."

"Are you going to finish that? I'm auditioning for a 'That Cat Is Too Damn Fat' video."

"Oooh, look — a penny!"

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

"He expects us to climbdown first."

"Like heck I'm doing downward dog."

Kitty Litter

'Overslept? You're a cat. How could you possibly oversleep?'

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

"You can't ride the Roomba until you finish your vegetables."

'Can you believe people actually believe this is a litter box?'

'For God's sake Duke...look noble!'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."