Feline Humor Gifts

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

"Now let's see what she does when I take one nibble and walk away."

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Projectile hairballing."

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

Cat laughs at 'Ameowsing Cat Jokes.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

'Oh no! That's not litter! It's quicksand!!'

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'I hate surprises!'

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

"Each of my previous books had nine editions."

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

Owner Rolls Out Red Carpet For Large Cat

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

'You know, if you cleaned the litter box more often, you wouldn't have to wear the hazmat suit.'

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

You're lucky - I wish mine was such a picky eater.

101 uses of a dead cat: peg leg

Cat Desk Organizers: In, Out, Eat, Sleep.

Great mouser!

101 uses of a dead cat: chopping board.

"Oooh, look — a penny!"