Cat Humor Gifts

'How can you not know if your cat is dead or alive, Mr Schrodinger?'

'I must be losing it. I forgot to try to trip someone walking down the stairs today.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

Cat Reunion

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

"Projectile hairballing."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

Cat laughs at 'Ameowsing Cat Jokes.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

"I hate it..."

'Oh no! That's not litter! It's quicksand!!'

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'No need to shout.'

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

Owner Rolls Out Red Carpet For Large Cat

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'