Feline Humorist Gifts

'What are you trying to say, Alan?'

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

Panic room

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'I must be losing it. I forgot to try to trip someone walking down the stairs today.'

Cat sleeps near magazine rack which features Play-Toy and Good Mousekeeping magazines.

"'Meow' and 'Purr'? It isn't clever and it isn't funny."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

Kitty Litter

Dog Hunting Trophies.

Cat Reunion

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"She's all over YouTube."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

"I hate it..."

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

Dogs texting each other emojis

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

'Who did you have lick your hair?'