Fatherhood Follies Pillows

'You aren't very good with children, are you Dad?'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

Baby Shower

'Fathers Day.'

"The head, the head! I told you, always support the baby's head!"

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"Dad, if Mom ever has a boyfriend, I hope he's just like you."

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

'Settle down now and Daddy will take you for a nice ride.'

'Make it easy on yourself, Dad- Just lend me your ATM card.'

"I told you, always support the baby's head!"

"Boss... I need to take a few months off for paternity leave."

'He's quite the hands-on daddy...in his way.'

'Can you fix it, Daddy?'

"No, son, a tax shelter is not where you go to rescue an accountant."

"So I suffered sympathetic labour pains for nothing!"

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

Sometimes I think I liked it better when they gave out cigars. (new fathers are covered in bubble gum).

"Look at me. Still writing B.C. on my checks."