Fatherhood Follies Gifts

'You aren't very good with children, are you Dad?'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

Baby Shower

'Fathers Day.'

"The head, the head! I told you, always support the baby's head!"

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

"Dad, if Mom ever has a boyfriend, I hope he's just like you."

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

'Settle down now and Daddy will take you for a nice ride.'

'Can you fix it, Daddy?'

'He's quite the hands-on daddy...in his way.'

"Boss... I need to take a few months off for paternity leave."

'Make it easy on yourself, Dad- Just lend me your ATM card.'

"I told you, always support the baby's head!"

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

"No, son, a tax shelter is not where you go to rescue an accountant."

"So I suffered sympathetic labour pains for nothing!"

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

Number one Dad and Number two Dad.

World's greatest dad. World's greatest t-shirt.

Sometimes I think I liked it better when they gave out cigars. (new fathers are covered in bubble gum).