Father Issues Gifts

Dad never had time to play catch.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Louis Armstrong

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Prize vegetables.

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Killer Executive Suits.

The Busy Gardener

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Domestic Superheroes!!

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."