Fatherhood Gifts

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

"Well, sure I'd like to instill the values of hard work and discipline, but that takes hard work and discipline."

'Well yes, all male seahorses are stay-at-home dads: We love it!'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"Can I call you back? I'm creating happy memories of my childhood for my father."

man juggling career, home and children

'Your father doesn't have A.D.D He's got D-A-D...'

"Remember, technically, it's not lying if you tell your mother I was teaching you how to drive."

Men Parenting

'Surprise!... guess what we're making?'

'It's 10 PM - do you know where the father of your children is?'

"Someday you'll understand the ways of the world...with the exception of tax and health insurance forms."

'Oh Hank, you say that now but once you have one it'll change your life.'

"I make the decisions, Jeremy, because I'm the grown-up."

"Old is when your daughter announces she's seeing a younger man."

"Unfortunately, at this age I express glee and stark raving terror in the exact same way."

Breasts for the men

'He looks exactly like his father!'

'World's Greatest Dad'

Pregnant man: 'My water just broke! False alarm. Just spilled my brewski.'

'Ever notice how when Dad snores the whole house shakes?'

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

'I knew it...you've turned into your father.'

The Joy of Begetting

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story

'I always drink from a travel mug at home. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house.'

'Really? My dads cry all the time.'

"This is money—get ready to worry about it for the rest of your life."

'King of the Jungle', yeah right: I can't even get my kids to listen to me...

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"Because of your age, I'm going to recommend doing nothing."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Dad is a terrible cook....his stuff looks like it has been eaten before..."