Fatherhood Philosopher Gifts

"This is Father's Day, not Father Issues Day."

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

'If I really was, do you think the kids would have even bothered to buy me a gift?'

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"You're welcome."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Growth Charts

My daddy ate my homework

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Deny it all you want. He looks just like you."

"He looks so much like his dad."

"Which one is yours?"

"Mommy! Mommy! Daddy lost!"

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.