Parenting Philosopher Gifts

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"Sure, you have a father. It's just that when you were born, I decided to stay at home and he decided to stay at work."

'Then one day you're sick and old, hooked up to a machine...whoops.'

'I blame the internet.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'You NEVER like any of my boyfriends!'

"We can't imagine what a spider thinks, Louisa, because it's a whole different life style."

"I go directly to the corner? I thought there would be an appeals process."

"Of course, we love you. Hasn't Maria told you?"

'I agree with the theory that there are no bad kids, just bad parents.'

Parenting: then and now

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

Kid to mom about baby: 'Was there any assembly required?'

"Running away? You'll be back. You maybe 30, divorced, out of work, with kids of your own, but you'll be back."

"Remember, theres a right way to do things and there's your father's way."

Baby diapers, adult diapers and just lazy diapers.

"My youngest is at the age when she can barely comprehend cost effective analysis."

'Look darling, I think he's experiencing existential angst, for the first time.'

'I'm an Empty Nester, too.'

"Some overly-sensitive parents get upset when I smack the kids if they misbehave in the supermarket."

"Giving youngsters spoonfuls of sugar, Miss Poppins, is tantamount to child abuse."

"So how is being a new mum treating you?"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Our studies have shown that 'nature' and 'nurture' are both important but nothing like as important as a trust fund!"

"Why do I have to get good grades? All you have to do is become a rich celebrity and bribe a college to accept me..."

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

'...And kids are an enormous meteor shower.'

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

'I'm a self-centered 13 year old, and even I know that's ridiculous. Our mom is a person, she needs her own friend and adult life.'

"I want to deprive him of all the things I had too much of."

'Didn't listen to my mother.'