Parenting Philosopher Pillows

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"Sure, you have a father. It's just that when you were born, I decided to stay at home and he decided to stay at work."

'Then one day you're sick and old, hooked up to a machine...whoops.'

'I blame the internet.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'You NEVER like any of my boyfriends!'

"I go directly to the corner? I thought there would be an appeals process."

"We can't imagine what a spider thinks, Louisa, because it's a whole different life style."

"Of course, we love you. Hasn't Maria told you?"

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"My youngest is at the age when she can barely comprehend cost effective analysis."

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

Baby diapers, adult diapers and just lazy diapers.

Kid to mom about baby: 'Was there any assembly required?'

"Running away? You'll be back. You maybe 30, divorced, out of work, with kids of your own, but you'll be back."

"Remember, theres a right way to do things and there's your father's way."

'Look darling, I think he's experiencing existential angst, for the first time.'

'I agree with the theory that there are no bad kids, just bad parents.'

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

Parenting: then and now

'Didn't listen to my mother.'

"I want to deprive him of all the things I had too much of."

'I'm a self-centered 13 year old, and even I know that's ridiculous. Our mom is a person, she needs her own friend and adult life.'

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

'...And kids are an enormous meteor shower.'

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

"Why do I have to get good grades? All you have to do is become a rich celebrity and bribe a college to accept me..."

"Our studies have shown that 'nature' and 'nurture' are both important but nothing like as important as a trust fund!"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"So how is being a new mum treating you?"

What if we raised children the way we raise animals?

"I'm running away. May I borrow the car?"

'You mean I have to take a bath because my attitude stinks?'