Parental Advice Philosopher Pillows

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"You're welcome."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"I'm not his mom anymore—now I'm his life coach."

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

'Now there's a novel idea - babysitting your own children.'