Modern Parent Philosophers Pillows

"I'm not his mom anymore—now I'm his life coach."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"You're welcome."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'