Parental Philosophers Pillows

'Where did we go wrong?'

"When does everything stop being our fault?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"You're welcome."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

How Moms explain.

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'