Parenting Philosophers Gifts

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"Mother believed in tough love. She was always there for me when I needed a cold shoulder to cry on."

"Don't worry—it's just a phase."

"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up! You only have thirty or forty years left to live!"

"My children were good but I'm hungry again."

Mr. Spock at a child rearing seminar.

"Trust me, Elaine, having kids changes you!"

"Just give him the fish already."

"You're welcome."

"Remember what we said about letting her find out for herself that she's making a huge mistake she'll regret for the rest of her life."

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

Baby thinks: I smile, they smile. I laugh, they laugh. I think they're teachable!

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"The money I make working pays for a better life for my child."

Ikea Flat Pack Children: Do not assemble till 18 years old.

"So, what are you doing for the rest of your life?..."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."