Parental Philosopher Gifts

"My Marcia has always been so talented in so many areas. I only hope she finds a direction for herself and gets married."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son

'Has hypochondria definitely been ruled out?'

"Good news. Your child buys into the change paradigm of growing up."

"What a coincidence. My mum is going to be a single mum and I'm going to be a single baby!"

"Our kids are free to develop their own interests but we insist they share our fears."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"You're welcome."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'