Philosopher Of Family Life Gifts

'It kind of sneaks up on you, little brother. One day you turn around and the grownups don't think you're cute anymore.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Death coach..."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."