Philosopher Of Family Life Pillows

'It kind of sneaks up on you, little brother. One day you turn around and the grownups don't think you're cute anymore.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Call me?"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"Death coach..."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."